The One

I'm a romantic. If you know me, you might not believe me because I'm also a realist. My guilty pleasure is romance novels. Because I usually, sneer, scoff and ask “WTF” through most of the story, I now just skip to the end... 

I used to think I'd find The One, get married and have a couple kids. I would also have the perfect job as a princess or pop singer and all of this by the time I turned 25... We all know these plans never work out. 

I never expected to meet and fall in love with the perfect man; just one perfect for me. Our eyes would meet across a crowded Con (or book store or library) and we would feel instantly drawn to each other. We would spend hours talking about the merits of our favorite Doctor and whether or not the latest Avengers/Star Trek/Star Wars/X-Men movies were really worth the price of admission, hang out playing video or board games or just read. My self esteem and body image issues wouldn't matter because he would have them too.

I have yet to meet and KNOW that I found The One-so I'm still looking; but not very hard. It is a tough time to be dating. Oh, don't worry- I could have all the dates and other stuff I want. I just don't want what's offered... I've tried online dating and found some really interesting people...

There was the guy who sent me an email to say that he really liked the answer to one of my questions and appreciated my honesty. There have been some that sent me emails to see about getting to know each other. Then there are the ones that boldly ask for what they really want.

I got an email from a guy with whom I had had no previous correspondence. All it said was “FWB?” I had to Google it. Apparently he was asking for no-strings sex- Friends With Benefits. I didn't answer him. Would it really be fwb if I had never met him before? NO, that would be a one-night-stand and a very good way to get robbed, have my liver or other organ harvested and left for dead or end up with a baby and no Baby Daddy. So, no thank you. 

When those well meaning relatives/co-workers/whoever asks why I'm still single I can say that being single is better than being left for dead in a seedy motel on 15 half way to Lexington just so I can hook up with a guy who MIGHT be The One. There is a reason it is called a HOOK up. Just saying.

I usually just say that “I haven't met anyone I want to spend that much time with.” Maybe I'll throw in an occasional “I haven't met anyone I like more than myself.”

Hi, I'm Alita and I like books, and planning programs... let me be your librarian

I’ve been in the professional job hunt for a couple of years; I’ve been single a lot longer. I
bet you can guess where this is headed. I’ve realized that hunting for a job is way too close to internet dating for my tastes.

You read a description, feel a spark of interest. Write something carefully worded in response and send it. Wait for a response… and wait… and wait. Then after a certain amount of time you hear that they want to meet you or you don’t hear from them till much later after they found someone else.

You pick just the right outfit. You’re nervous so you show up a little early. You’ve brought questions to ask and expect to answer a bunch in return. You spend time with this person-getting to know the front that you show on a first date… trying to be as close to their perfect match as possible while trying to gauge if this is “the one for you.” You spend some time, you say, ”It was nice to meet you,” then part ways. Then you wait to see if they want to see you again.
And wait to see if you found “the one.”

Well, I haven’t decided about the job world yet, but I’m not going to keep putting on “the face” for future dates. I’m going to work at being my charming, funny, curious and sarcastic self. And I’m not going to keep seeing someone just because they seem to be interested in me. I’ve got varied interests, so we should be able to find something to talk about.

And just an FYI, if you don’t like Star Wars and Doctor Who, you won’t make the cut.

I don't interview well. I get nervous and blank out on the examples they want. Maybe I should stop trying to be what I think they are looking for and be what I really am: a librarian in need of a library...with a lot of quiet enthusiasm and a good sense of humor about life.